Well, today has been a roller coaster of emotions. I will be completely honest. This week has been really hard. I’m in Dallas covering college fairs, one of my absolute favorite parts of my job. I even asked the doctor when he told me I was in remission if I could do this. He told me I was weird, but agreed that as long as I felt like I could, then I could.

You know me. That was all I needed. When we split up fairs, I made sure I was in the mix for the DFW weeks and here I am. But, the old gray mare ain’t what she used to be!

Last week was really hard. I’m hoping with staying at my parents this week that things will be better. I just didn’t sleep very well and honestly, most of the days felt like the Saturday after chemo. I just wanted to crawl up on the bed and sleep. One afternoon, I went back to my hotel, shut the curtains, got in my jammies, and back under the covers and took a 2 hour nap. Not the best suggestion for the hours before the college fair, but I can promise you that I would not have been able to stand up behind the college fair table if I hadn’t.

More than that, I forgot to bring my pillow with me and my back has been killing me. I’m not sure if it is the combination of the bed or working late, or a bad pillow, but you would think I’m a 90 year old woman with arthritis all over my body. Yeah, I just felt like I was going to die!!!

My back is really sensitive. When I went to the doctor a few weeks ago, I mentioned to him that the only issue I had been having was my back hurting. He thought that maybe it was more of a posture thing and not cancer related. I know he is probably right, but I cant help but worry, especially since it keeps getting worse. But, I have a better bed to sleep on here, so maybe it will get better. (my sis is so sweet to sleep on the coach when I am here…she’s the best!)

It is so weird what this stuff does to your body. Basically, it is poison that they put into you during chemo (good poison that your body responds to) and then the back to back days of radiation. They KILL your energy. I can promise you that alone has made the “new normal” different.

This last week, I have had a chance to see so many people on the road that I only see this time of year. Of course some are good enough friends that we have been keeping up and they know what is going on, but there are plenty others who don’t know. I guess it is good that none of them have said anything…that must mean that I don’t look sick. It’s amazing what some make-up can do.

But, I did have to tell someone, last week, for the first time all that has gone on and that was weird. I have not had to share all the details in a long time and 5 months later it seems so long ago that this process started. But, it was great to spread the prayer support a little further.

Today I got to start my speaking engagements. I spoke at two churches and that was really fun. Very hard. It was really the first time that I have talked publicly about my journey and they were both places that have been very close to me during the process, so it was emotional for sure. But, I asked God when this started and I knew that He was calling me to be bold through this journey, to be given the opportunity to share His story, to share what He has done. It is kinda crazy when that type of challenge is laid out in front of you to wrap your mind around the direction you want to go. God has done so many things and in 10 minutes to try and share anything for me is hard, but to share His blessings and miracles over the last 5 months is even harder. But, He was gracious and I just got up there and He spoke. It’s funny my sister said after tonight, that I didn’t say the same thing at any of the stops. While I’m not surprised by that I do know that I asked God to just speak if I would be a willing vessel and I’m sure he used the words that He knew people needed to hear.

I got to go to my home church this morning and saw people I have seen all my life, but it was overwhelming for so many of them to share their sweet words and hugs with me. Usually, it is a “I haven’t seen you in so long how are things in Arkansas” hug, but today it was a “Your alive and up walking and it is good to see you” hug. I truly am overwhelmed.