your body after the baby

Oh sister, and I say sister because what follows is a BIG SISTER CHAT. If you are here just like a regular visit and one of my dad’s friends, you may want to skip this one….we are doing some girl talk.

You just had a baby, now what? Wondering what happens after you have a baby is a normal and natural fear/concern/worry. Heck, it was where 1 was a month ago, or maybe even yesterday.

I just had my first kid. I’m 35, a friend to many moms, and an aunt to 2 nieces. I’d like to think I’ve had a motherly instinct since I became a big sister at 3. And, I have an incredible mother. But sister, let me tell you. There are just some things in mom code that no one tells you until you are a month from having a baby and in last-minute list and nesting mode.

I’m not sure if they are afraid it would keep you from having a kid or being so grossed out that you never took a real form of birth control because these details are enough to keep anyone away from the opposite sex. Frankly, none of it is too bad, but it’s all real. And if no one has sat down and told you what to expect then this post will pull back the veil and let you in on what went down.

I don’t promise to have all the answers, because I only have my experience. And, I sure don’t have any medical degree but real-life “momming” is better than the Google-s.

So, what happens to your body after you deliver a baby?

• Blood
  • So your little one has been floating around inside you in all kinds of bodily liquids for 9 months. You also haven’t had a regular menstrual cycle during that time. So, it seems very normal that all those fluids have to go somewhere…and gravity will bring them out. You will do a lot of bleeding at first at the hospital. I’ll cover some of those details below, but just think about it like back when you were in 7th grade trying to figure out all of this “period” stuff for the first time. It just seems never-ending!
  • To combat this, you will go back to wearing LARGE, THICK PADS. At the hospital, they will provide these for you and the coolest mesh panties (apparently you can order them on Amazon too, but I’ve not been that brave to look them up and consider it!). They really are a life saver and you need to get over how weird you think they will make you feel…its better than messing up your own panties. They will also most likely keep a pad in your bed under you. It’s the kind of pad you will have in the bed when you are bottomless before you give birth. The only way I know to describe it, is that it is like a puppy potty training pad, but it protects the bed and catches the extra stuff should you spill over.
  • The bleeding will taper and come back in cycles, at least mine has. I’ll have a couple of days where it’s down to almost nothing and I think I can wear a panty liner. Remember this is your uterus contracting back to its normal shape and position and hormones are part of the driver that makes that happen. So, sometimes when you nurse, these hormones will be activated and cause you to bleed more than other times. But, it is not guaranteed that you will bleed every time you nurse, so don’t feel that as an added pressure.
  • One thing I had at the hospital was an “ice diaper”. They took one of those pads and filled it with ice. The absorbent nature of the pad absorbed that water as it melted so it wasn’t a big wet mess in the bed. But, it was so nice to help with the pain I was feeling downstairs! I tried this once when I got home and frankly, I don’t have the amazing “sonic ice” that they have at the hospital so the bigger pieces that my fridge makes just weren’t comfortable. I sat on a gel ice pack to try and create the same thing. A friend of mine did suggest making some “pad popsicles” that she had found a “recipe” for on Pinterest. It has you put witch hazel on the pads and then cover them with aloe and freeze them. I wasn’t sure how I felt about cleaning myself to get the aloe off because I knew an episiotomy or stitches were a big possibility so I just didn’t make them beforehand. Instead, I did make a version with just the witch hazel when I got home and that was a really nice relief when I was feeling more pain than at other times.  Just put 4-5 pads, laid open, on a cookie sheet, and spray each one with witch hazel. Freeze for 30min to 1 hour. Then you can fold or roll each individually to pull out when you need one. (Always good to warn a spouse or the person helping you prepare food at your house that you are storing medicated feminine products in your freezer.)
  • Please have a conversation with your spouse or the person who will be in the hospital with you. Your job is to take care of the baby, but you have to take care of yourself too. And, having someone else help you may not be necessary, but will be super helpful. I’ve never felt so loved as I did at the hospital when my husband had to be there to help me clean up the bathroom after I made a big mess. A friend of mine had told me, “I think my husband cleaned up after me more in the first few weeks than the baby.” I’m telling you, I would agree. The first few times you pee after you have the baby, you have to catch it and make sure you are not clotting too much, etc. The nurse will need to see it and measure it. It’s just gross to leave it there. But, you can’t bend over and do some normal type things until you have healed a little more. It’s just something to know about and be ready for when it comes. Patience, grace, preparation, and understanding can go a long way. And, if you are a couple that is super modest around each other, you just need to be prepared you will see a lot of your spouse in the next few days.
• Bathroom pile
  • So, to take care of the blood issue and other personal hygiene items described above, you will find yourself with a little “bathroom pile”. This begins at the hospital and is part of the “loot” you will bring home to take care of yourself.
  • These items include things like – Tucks/witch hazel pads, peri bottle, iodine, feminine pads, and mesh panties – each of these items has their specific purpose and place in the cleaning process. So, be prepared to need to have a place for them when you get home. I know some have brought in a TV tray so they don’t take over the bathroom counter or if you don’t have a counter near your toilet. (it’s important they are near your toilet when you stand up because you will need to use them and not drip blood across your bathroom. Remember that people will probably be staying with you in the first days or weeks after you have your baby. Depending on your modesty level, you may or may not want all these items in the main bathroom in your home or a shared space.
  • Everyone knows you have just been through a medical/surgical procedure. Don’t feel bad about making more trips than normal to the bathroom. Don’t feel bad about taking longer than normal in the bathroom. This is all part of you taking care of yourself.
  • Get your items in order and keep yourself organized and clean. This will make the healing process go faster and you will get a routine down that makes it easier over time. Everyone heals differently and for some, you may wear pads for a month or a couple of weeks and then switch to liners. This can last up to 6 weeks or a couple of months.
  • Basic philosophy with everything over the next few months. It took you 9 months to get here so whether it’s healing, scheduling, finding a routine or losing baby weight – give yourself the grace and space to bounce back.
• Granny Panties – what I call cheap, big, cotton underwear that your mom or grandma wear and you’ve only ever seen when folding laundry growing up your whole life
  • You will need them.
  • As you heal, you just need panties that will hold the gigantic pads. I’m talking cotton, breathable, no-frills panties. If you have to have a c-section or other surgery, consider this in your purchase. The granny panties usually come up to your belly button and cover everything. They have also been great for me to cover the Tummy Butter I’ve been having to use for my belly stretch marks.
  • At the hospital, you will get mesh panties that you can throw away, but make sure and pack some of these in your hospital bag to come home in.
• Poop – laxative
  • So, whether you have an episiotomy, tear, or luck out and have none of it, you will have a struggle pooping. It’s just natural. For one, you might have emptied all your stool when you delivered or if you had a suppository before delivery. But, more likely, it’s the same pushing motion and muscles you use downstairs as everything heals. You will fear ripping or pulling a stitch out. It’s just very realistic and something most everyone goes through.
  • You will be told to take a stool softener when you get home. I think they actually give you one in the hospital as part of your routine meds, but make plans to take one when you get home.
  • Let me suggest Senna or Senekot. This is more of a laxative than just a stool softener. With eating different foods, being on a different schedule, and just the pressure of all new things, you may need extra help to get things going. Senekot is a vegetable-based laxative I also took while I was on chemo. It just helps things move along. But give yourself the space and time for a BM, whether you are regular or not. And, also give your body the patience to get back on schedule and produce what it needs to. Pooping will be painful, your belly will hurt, you won’t produce like you are used to and sometimes you may have the sudden urge to go “now” when you’ve been waiting a couple of days for the grand moment.
  • It will be one of the most satisfying parts of your recovery…and, as a new mom, you might as well get used to a lot of poop talk…watching for dirty diapers, timing them, recording them, describing them, and then being jealous of them because gosh darn it, you’d just like to poop!
• Hemorrhoids
  • I thankfully have not had to deal with them, but many do. Sometimes these are brought on just by the delivery process and other times they come as a result of the aforementioned – POOPing. There are lots of ways to take care of them and your doctor may advise accordingly. The Tucks/witch hazel pads that you have will be a perfect thing to use to soothe that area and frankly, you already have them on hand. There are different kinds that you need for the other parts of your body so just see if what you have works and if not, make another trip to the drug store. (you will have several of these random trips over the next couple of weeks when you realize there is one thing you need and when you need it, you need it now)
•  Walking/Waddle
  • So, a lot has just happened to your nether regions. When the epidural wears off and you can start feeling your body again, you are going to be in pain. The good thing is the hospital will help you with pain management and they will give you directions to stay on top of it at home. Listen to them, set alarms and reminders, and stay ahead of it.
  • You really need to sit as much as possible. Ask people to bring you things…including your new child. Ask people to go get things for you. Let other people pick up your house and your kitchen. Or, if you are OCD like me, just be ok for a few weeks with everything being in a new spot or out of place. Get what you need and keep it close. (the end tables in your living room might look a little different and cluttered for a while)
  • If you do get brave and sit at the table with everyone else, consider sitting on a pillow or finding a “donut”/hemorrhoid pillow that will take the pressure off your undercarriage. Another good thing to do is place a gel pack under you and sit on that. But, soft surfaces will be your friend for a while.
  • It won’t last forever. I was out making Walmart trips on my own in 3 weeks. I had gone earlier than that with someone else, I just found that I had to walk slow. And, you will find yourself walking slow, or shuffling along like an old man. Again, you’ve had surgery, and accommodations to deal with that are very common. Push yourself to try new things as you regain your old mobility, but if it hurts – STOP!
• Emotions
  • They are real. As much as you mentally prepare yourself and even live in self-awareness, emotions will sneak in on you. They may arrive at the hospital after delivery, in postpartum as you are taking it all in, or be triggered by something new at home.
  • I’ve found myself crying at the weirdest things. And, that’s ok. Ask someone to watch you and help you be cognizant of what is going on. Pay attention to your triggers and heck, just cry if you want to cry.
    • Triggers that made me cry: my baby crying, my mom leaving, not filling out forms right at the doctor the first time, the nurse at said doctor’s appointment seeing me cry, a conversation about essential oils, stuff being out of place, not being able to poop (tummy pressure), getting mail out late, telling my husband thank you, people bringing us meals, an encouraging text, not getting things done on my to-do list, forgetting to feed the dog, my husband praying for us, my dad praying for us, my inlaw’s friend praying for us, me trying to pray, getting the baby’s head stuck trying to put on an onesie…there were lots of little things (and I’m sure there will be more)
  • When asked, “why are you crying,” don’t get more mad – share your reason, or if the reason is “I don’t know,” say that too. Again, it’s like being in 7th grade or even pre-teen years when all the hormones were shifting and changing and you didn’t know what was going on…sometimes you just need to cry. And, that’s ok.
  • But, there are other emotions that can arise and you need to be cognizant of those as well – depression, wanting to hurt your baby, yourself, or your spouse. Those are all real things that happen and you need to recognize them and do something about them early. If you know you are prone to these behaviors or have had them in the past, ask your partner to observe you or pay attention to your own tell-tell signs so you can get help early.
• Germs
  • Germs are also a real part of this process. It’s worse with the winter season baby, but seriously, people are sick all the time. I’m not going to lie, this is an area that I’ve been very vigilant. I just don’t have time to be sick or take care of a sick baby. Not because I don’t care, but because the treatment for a sick baby at this newborn stage is very deep and extensive and I just don’t want to do it. (long hospital stay and lots of tests and pricks…we just had one of those already)
  • It’s ok to:
    • tell someone they cannot be around your baby yet
    • ask everyone to wash their hands and use sanitizer before they touch your baby
    • set a rule that if people have been sick in the last few weeks (not even days) or been around people who have been sick to not be around your baby
    • not let people who smoke, have been exposed to smoke, or been in a place filled with smoke not be around your baby
    • it’s ok to ask people to change a shirt or take off a jacket before they hold or touch your baby
    • stay home for a long time before taking your baby in public
    • hold on to your baby when you are around family or friends and just ask them to look and not touch
  • The main thing here is that people who hold a baby always touch the baby’s face and hands and kiss and breathe in on your little one. It’s just what you do with a baby whether you are snuggling, caressing, pulling the blanket back, consoling, whatever. But the first thing a baby does with their hands is put them in their mouth. Also when people hold a baby, there is no way for them not to snuggle/smuggle them into their clothes and expose them to the environments where they have been.
  • If someone or people ask to come over and you are not ready, don’t be afraid to tell them, “no”. Or, ask your partner, spouse, helper, or parent staying with you to ask them to wait to come for a visit.
  • IT’S JUST NOT WORTH IT – we were advised by our doctor because of the rampant flu season we are having this year to wait at least 2 months before we take the baby into public situations. We have taken him into a store, but we have a covering on the car seat and we use the wipes to wipe down the handles and buggy, and then use hand sanitizer when we get back to the car. It’s JUST NOT WORTH IT and in the grand scheme of things, 2 months pass pretty quickly.
• Sleep/Schedule
  • I don’t have a ton of advice here other than to just recognize the need for both, the struggle to get to either, and the reminder to give yourself, your household, and your baby grace. Baby needs structure, your sanity needs structure, your desire to get ANYTHING done needs structure, and your need for nighttime sleep needs structure.
  • Yes, your world will run on some sort of schedule over the next year or so. (Hey, they told you a baby changes everything) It’s okay to ask visitors to come or go according to that schedule and to establish a routine or times you can make errands or visit others on that schedule.
  • My personality is a little more structured than most and I’m willing to admit that. But, if you let your whole world run on when the baby can do something or wants something, you will be in a spiral that you will not be able to get out of until he is a teenager. Set and establish something and adjust it as needed when it works or doesn’t.
• Snuggles and kisses
  • For your big boy and little one – in the midst of all of this, don’t forget your husband/spouse/partner. They are walking this road with you. They want to be sympathetic and empathetic. There are things they cannot do, but there are things they can. Make sure any chance you get, you snuggle in close and have some one-on-one time, even if it’s just 10 or 15 minutes. (several 10-15 minutes segments in a day add up to hours) Put the phones down and look at each other in the eyeballs. Ask real questions and give real honest answers. Hold hands, sleep close to each other, and find easy moments to just do something nice for each other. Last night we stood at the end of the bed, between feeding and pumping, and just folded towels together. We laughed, made jokes, and just had a breath of fresh, grown-up air. It’s so worth it to not lose sight of the amazing relationship you had that brought this baby into the world.
  • Now, for your new little one. While they are the source of your crazy emotions, the weird body functions, and your need for a new normal – their little life is a miracle. Every baby conceived is a miracle. The whole process of what your body goes through to get them here and then keep them alive is a miracle. STOP and REVEL at the moment. When you feed your little one, hold them close, look at them, touch them. Sing songs to them and let them hear your voice. Coach them and encourage them when you are feeding or burping them. Use full sentences, grown-up words, and phrases (not baby talk). Call them by their name or nickname and just share quiet sweet moments that only the 2 of you can have. This is the magic of being a mama. You will see their face every day and may not notice the differences as quickly as others, but they are occurring every – single – moment of every – single – day.

Things are changing, have changed, at your house. And the time will go quickly. But the reality is that sometimes the moments feel so slow but they are flying by. Last weekend it seemed like we would never get a crying, fussy baby to sleep at 2:30 in the morning.  After 3 days (that weren’t as hard as I expected), we have had consistent 4-hour segments of sleep 4 nights in a row. Set yourself little benchmarks for personal healing, emotional well-being, and lifestyle habit establishment. We are not talking about years here. We are talking one day at a time. Then one week at a time. And, then you will have a 1-year-old on your hands and be looking the “terrible two’s” and potty training in the eyes head-on. (my sister is 13 months ahead of us and I have the gift of seeing what’s coming through her)

I realized yesterday how different and potentially easier our lives will be in a year. But, there is a baby step before that at 4 months, 6 months, and 9 months.

Right before Christmas, I had a conversation with a couple who are new grandparents and parenting 3 kids in their 20s and 30s and one in high school. They both told us “every stage is our favorite.”  Just when it feels too hard, or too fun, a new stage comes along with a new set of challenges and joys.

Here’s to surviving the first month and seeing your body come somewhat back to a new normal!

Shopping List for “mama supplies”:

• Heavy pads (I got Always level 5)
• Mid-range flow pads (I got Always level 2)
• Dermoplast medicated spray
• Granny panties – simple cotton panties – consider 2 sizes higher than your regular size
• Tucks pads – witch hazel pads
• Witch hazel
• Senekot or Senna S
• Ibuprofen
• Germ X – pump and travel sizes
• Extra toilet paper
• Personal care wipes (feminine section or the Cottonelle kind, not baby wipes)
• Lavender and Frankincense essential oils (if you are into that kind of thing)
• Lots of stretchy pants – use the ones you’ve been wearing from maternity