I’ll be honest. I really wasn’t interested in writing this one. I wanted to chicken out. We have had a long week. Everything felt perfect until we had our 4 month check up last week. I’ll be honest….it was scary.
Our little man is the best. He has been developing as he is supposed to. Is working on sitting up on his own (he wants to do crunches all the time), is showing signs of wanting to turn, his grip is crazy strong, and his legs are so, so strong. We are proud. And, that smile…yes it still melts hearts, especially since that dimple is starting to form on the other side.
But, Monday when the doctor walked in the room, her demeanor changed as she started talking with us. She was concerned with what she saw. Something about the way little man was looking around concerned her. She examined him and saw some good focus, but was concerned with how he was looking around.
So, she set us up for a pediatric neurologist in Dallas this week and another appointment with a pediatric ophthalmologist in a couple weeks.
It was a tough week. Actually we had an appointment set for Monday and the Office Manager called and they had a mid week appointment open up and she called us back because she knew how scary things could be for parents of infants. We were thankful for the offer and made it happen. Lots of praying was involved. Lots of worship music on the way to Dallas was involved. Lots of surrender was involved. Lots of mind talks with God were involved. We laid out little man at Jesus’ feet and reminded ourselves that no matter the outcome, God was not surprised by our circumstances. And, that sovereignty meant we believe that He is in charge no matter what. But, as a mama, it was just sucky.
As we walked in the doctor’s office, we felt a great peace and calm. Most of that is because of the demeanor of the doctor. His office just carries his calming presence. I think the doctor thought we were crazy the first 15 minutes we were there. I tried to explain to him what was going on and what I had tried to observe for the last 3 days and then he started his own exam. He did see something, but it wasn’t anything he was super scared about.
He called what he saw a “searching nystagmus.” Thankfully I have 2 sister-in-laws with medical backgrounds and they had prepared me a little for that term. Nystagmus is something a lot of people deal with but it is also something that runs on a wide spectrum. This is on a low end. Also, a nystagmus is also typically a symptom of something else. And, I think that was the real concern of the doctors. If this was happening what else could it really be a symptom of?
After fully examining little man, the doctor concluded that he did see something, but he was also hopeful that is was something that he might grow out of. Both doctors indicated that little man was developing as he should. They saw him hitting developmental milestones and is on growth. The doctor in Dallas thinks this is something that he will hopefully grow out. We will go back at the end of September to check in and see how things have improved.
With all we have going on, I really think this week was a moment God used to pull me back in. And, I needed it.
Mr. McKinney broke his ankle and had surgery 3 weeks ago. I’ve really struggled with all the things to do around here. I’ve been guilty of striving. And, its real, there are just things that have to be done. Real life happens every day. But my #2 enneagram spirit wants to default to the martyr stage when things are tough. I’ve been wanting to host a pity party and I think people would be ok with that. But my God reminded me this week that I don’t have to do all this on my own. He is my sustainer, redeemer and friend.
So, as we look at 4.5 months of being a mom and celebrate Father’s Day today, we come from a week of hard news, remembering to rely on God, and Him meeting us every step. I know this update is not as much about little man, but I also know that kids are raised in healthy homes when they are being raised by healthy parents. Here’s so moms and dads getting reminders that healthy starts with the heart and a healthy heart starts with Jesus.
Our little man is perfect. His smile melts hearts. He has learned to spit bubbles. His little gums hurt and he is drooling every where. His poop face is hilarious. His grip and stomp are strong. He is a big guy and he is learning new things every day.
We are so grateful for the good and the difficult.
