…that’s what they say anyway….

It’s a quiet Saturday morning and I’m sitting in the dark.  Not because I’m scared or worried.  But, because I want to.  It’s a quiet morning and the time of day is something many would say is too late to still be sitting in bed.  But its the most used place in my home.  Its the place I sit and eat dinner when I get home late from work or gallivanting around town.  Its the place I scroll for hours through mounds of social media posts and catch up on what’s going on in the world.  Its the place I like to sip a hot cup of coffee on Saturday mornings and watch cooking shows.  Its the place I gather my thoughts in the morning and contemplate the day as I soothe myself to sleep.   

My home is a safe place.  A quiet place.  A place I can be myself without makeup on and morning hair.  A place I can be real.  A place my feelings matter.  A place where emotions, healthy emotions, can be expressed. 

This Saturday morning, I sit alone because I chose to.  I’m waiting for my boyfriend to come in town so we can spend a day together enjoying a beautiful fall day in Northwest Arkansas.  Last night, he asked me what I wanted to do.  Where I wanted to go.  He had some thoughts and plans already in mind, but the options of the day were mine. 

And, so I wait.  He is letting me do what I love, have quiet moments on a Saturday morning.  He is doing what he wants to do and we will join our day together later.  We will no doubt drive through wide open spaces, enjoy the beauty of the changing trees, laugh a lot, plan our lives together and come back home and enjoy a fun evening out. 

If he touches me, it will be to hold my hand. I will not flinch.  I will not fear.  He will not demean me.  He will not control me.  He will not hurt me.  The money spent today will be out of love and for fun, not to manipulate a next action. 

So, this quiet Saturday morning, my thoughts have been loud.  My Saturdays could have been different.  Statistics say so, but my heart has known the hurt of control.  Oh, I’m safe now, but it could have been different.  I knew what it was like to feel like your next word could cause an explosion.  Where, “I bought you something,” was a means to get something else, something he wanted.

I by no means can identify with a Domestic Violence Victim or Survivor.  My situation/relationship did not escalate that far.  But every year when I see the purple ribbons come out, my heart leaps, I gasp and get the lump in the bottom of my throat.  We always wonder “what if”.  Starting over would be daunting.  Saying “no” and getting away, almost inconceivable.  But, there is help. 

So, this weekend, this month as we continue to honor the fight against Domestic Violence and bring light to the situation, I challenge you to post a “Selfie for Safety”.  Take a selfie of yourself and add the safety hotline phone number to the picture (1-800-799-SAFE).  Acknowledge your freedom (or if you dare, your struggle) then encourage your followers to seek help.

This post is part of the #NWArkCares
series by the Northwest Arkansas Bloggers group. To view other posts,
visit the Northwest Arkansas Bloggers Pinterest Board or follow
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