Something about the graduation season makes me a little nostalgic. So, I thought I’d write An Open Letter to Graduates in big sister chat mode! 

I think I reflect on who I was at 18 or 22. And with a Little Man of my own, I can’t even begin to think about things like Kindergarten Graduation. I’d like to think I’ll be one of those moms cheering on the victories, growth, learning, and development. For the record, I write this as my Little Man is conquering colors, animal sounds and names, shapes and singing nursery rhymes on his own.

Some of the best parenting advice we got was that each stage is better than the next. And, you know as I have grown up I kinda felt the same about each stage of life toward adulthood.

I couldn’t imagine how much fun I would have in High School when I was leaving Middle School. And I could not believe that college would be the best time of my life when I was standing in the parking garage after high school graduation. And then being a grown-up has been many of the challenges that I anticipated when I was leaving college. But, I had no idea the fun, opportunities, deep hurt, pain, and restoration that life would have in almost the last 2 decades. (yep, I’m the older big sister!) Now that I’m 20 years out of high school, something compelled me this weekend to think about A Letter to the Graduating Class (read as, the commencement speech I’ve never been asked to deliver!).

Whether you are a high school or college graduate, graduating from a leadership course or professional development, or about to start the hard days of elementary school after Kindergarten Graduation, my sentiments are the same. Here’s the speech I would offer if the podium were shared with me today:

Dear Graduates,

I don’t know if its the old lady in me since I entered college 18 years ago, or if its because I’m a new mama, or because I’m not traveling to work every day for this season or if I just feel like being a big sister, but I thought I would share some words of wisdom and advice to you as you begin your new chapter.

 Stay coachable/ teachable (keep learning)

• What I do now to make an income did not even exist when I was in college. We had chat rooms, that helped us waste lots of valuable study time during my freshman year of college. But, yes there was a world before social media and I’m so glad there is no internet evidence of my 5th-grade perm and sewing experiments…but that sunflower dress sure was cute! Zuckerburg was busy being nerdy in college after I graduated but I jumped in and learned on the front edge and made a career of it; learning elements of it in my other jobs as I went along. These things made me ready when the opportunities came along.
• While you are idle in a position waiting your turn for a promotion learn as much as you can about the organization you work for and the industry you work in. Make yourself invaluable to your organization by your knowledge and ability to come to the table with any team and contribute new strategies and solutions. Adaptability will serve you well as you grow.
• Learn, read, absorb-you don’t know it all. (GASP, I know…I’ll wait a minute to let the air come back into the room.) You paid a lot for a degree, but you would be wise to listen when you are invited to the table and absorb as much as you can from your colleagues and mentors. Forget only using the methods you just learned (yikes) street cred will go a long way. When the old guy at work wants to take you to lunch, say yes. Somewhere between wavy potato chips and a club sandwich, he will share some bits of wisdom he has learned from the school of hard knocks…file them away in your heart.

Remember what you learned in personal finance

• Compoundable interest can be your best friend! Contribute to a 401k or retirement plan as soon as you can and never pass up on the match. You may choose to diversify later and max out when you can. But while you are establishing a life, paying off loans, and other things that come up to steal from your piggy bank, do not miss the opportunities your employer has set up for you. And if they don’t, find a way to set up something on your own. I don’t remember much, but I do remember my personal finance professor saying if I would give to a 401k at my first job and give what I could to get a match from my employer and contribute each year there was a high possibility I could be a millionaire when I retired. That seemed to be the only likely way that could happen…so I listened!
• Pay off debt as quickly as possible so you can have fun with your money and make a difference. I am not a financial advisor and one of those might tell you differently, but get rid of debt as soon as possible. Consolidate when you can. Pay off the highest interest rates first and use that money to keep tackling the rest of your debt. Its called the snowball effect. Debt will pull you under, but if you keep using what you pay off to help you pay off more, you will tackle it faster. Do not be a slave to debt. Some of it is inevitable and just part of life. But, much of it is easily tackled with some discipline and good ole “sucking it up.” My early 20s were hard financially, but I sure did enjoy my 30s when I didn’t have school and early living debt weighing over my head. If you use that debt money to snowball and capitalize on your next debt you will tackle it faster. Make sure anything extra you pay goes to the principal. You will be amazed at how quickly it comes down. And, when you don’t live on what you don’t have, you don’t know the difference.
• One of my favorite accounts to follow on Instagram is @personalfinanceclub, his advice is so on point. And, my brother-in-law has been sharing some very valuable videos with practical financial advice for young adults.
• While we are on the topic of financials, tithe always. Give your 10% off the first of what you are given. Let it be the first check you write, the first auto draft you set up, the first cash envelope you fill. Get in the habit. God’s economy will never make sense. I do not profess or believe a prosperity Gospel, but I have learned a couple of things to be true –
  1. to whom much is given, much is required. If you have a car, a home, new clothes, and food to eat, you have more than 87% of the world. Yep…that’s most of us in the room. That is a large thought to wrap your mind around. YOU ARE RICH. God has equipped you with time, talent, and treasures that He wants you to use to honor and bring glory to Him. DO IT.
  2 – When the money doesn’t make sense on a spreadsheet, somehow the bank account will stretch like the loaves and fish. Obedience and obeying God never go out of style. Learn that early!

Find a hobby, Make friends, Cut the tech, Take the adventure – in other words, make friends and live a little!

• responsibility only gets bigger – adulting is hard. The older you get, the more responsibilities you have. If you are single, you may one day be married. If you are married, you may one day have kids. If you have kids, you may one day have more. If you fit in none of those categories, you will probably get a promotion that requires travel or a house that requires upkeep, or a boat that needs to get in the water… or… or… or. You will never have more time than you have today. In fact, time is a common denominator. We all get 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year, and well…we can’t determine how many years we have. So, live a little.
• isolation will suffocate you – Trust me, I’ve tried it. Work will not satisfy and stuff will leave you feeling more empty. Even for my extreme introverts in the room, you were made to interact and be around others. Make friends. Whether you need 4 or 400, make friends.
• technology will insulate you – one of my most favorite things to do is lay in my bed under the covers in the morning and scroll through Instagram and Facebook. Its a time suck, but it is mindless and I like it. There are a lot of Saturdays when I am trying to “rest” that I sit on the couch and look at my phone. And yes, my brain and mind are numbed, but so is my life. If you are at a table across from a person, silence your phone and put it in your purse or pocket. Make an intentional time to connect with others. Set a rule in your home where devices all go in a box and you actually spend time talking to each other. Life will happen fast and you will realize you are not sure why you arrived where you are when you can’t sit at a table and talk to someone anymore. Or, even worse they have changed and you don’t know why. You can’t even call off the name of your husband’s co-workers or what his latest project or obstacle involves. The day could come where your kid is struggling at school or has no friends and the opportunity was missed to ask them and intervene early. One of the most beautiful and life-changing moments for me came at a Newk’s in Jonesboro, AR. I was across the table from a friend I had not seen in over a year. She was asking me some tough questions. We were both a little distracted, her with kids, and me with technology. But, she kept pursuing me and pushed past that to ask me the hard questions about where my life was at that moment. I was miserable, I had no friends, I had lost 50 pounds. I was depressed. To this day, I still consider that conversation one of the “pivot” moments of my life. I stuck my foot in the sand and I turned. Be part of “pivot” moments and put down the darn phone!
• spend some time among living, breathing things – turn right at the brown signs, stop, pull over and read the sign – I cannot say enough about what a day among creation will do for you. Whether you live in Arkansas, Texas, the South, or the North, go explore your backyard. Make a bucket list of things you want to do in your city and in your region – and then go do them. Pretend to be a tourist in your own state…what have you never explored?

 Invest in yourself – be your own best advocate

• Learn a new skill. Whether it’s1 a cooking technique, gardening, woodworking, painting…try it. Maybe its a skill in your professional field or another side of the business that you don’t know. I have a friend who I’ve always known to just be a manager in a utility company. He has been open when new experiences came along and was seen as a guy who was easily teachable and wanted to grow with the company. He was given a wider territory. And, while it meant more traveling, it also meant more area for influence. As time went on and his interests expanded, his opinion was valued and while technology-related things in the company were not his forte, he was a trusted confidant and deemed by his peers and supervisors and someone who should be at the table for “next-generation” decisions that were happening. And, it worked. He soaked up the opportunity and proved himself to be more than capable in this new venture and his company said: “we want you to be the guy to sell it”. Not the IT team, not the tech or digital team…YOU. Fantastic. It is proving all the things I’ve mentioned previously to be true. But, what amazes me most is that on weekends, to wind down, this guy would paint. Using the completely opposite part of his mind, he would sit quietly and paint. With this new responsibility, he has seen a greater desire to unwind and move away from the stern side of his brain to this free place. Realizing the joy he was bringing, he approached a local artist-teacher to ask for some critique and next steps. The first response from the teacher was a desire to buy the painting in front of him. This man who was all business had determined to not let a box hold him in. He wanted new skills and to use and chase all the desires that were in him. And, that meant creativity and working with his hands. DO THE SAME. CHASE whatever it is your heart is pulling you towards.
• Get yourself a nice suit. Just do it. You will need it, keep it covered or dust off the shoulders when you need to wear it. But, put it on every now and then. You will feel better and people will be impressed when they see you.
• Take a dinner etiquette class if you don’t know about forks or how to host people. You will hold yourself back and only have pizza night parties if you don’t know a few basic things! And, when in doubt, just observe and mimic others. But, seriously it’s 2020. Take advantage of this time and learn a little.
• Seek some self-awareness –Strengths Finder, Love Language, Enneagram, Color Test, Birkman, Myers Briggs…pick one and know yourself. Actually, make some time at some point to do all of them and realize you are the sum of many parts, not just one person’s version of you. But, in it all, learn yourself, your strengths, your opportunities, your triggers. And then do this – soar in your strengths, fix what you can, own the rest.

INVEST your life in something bigger than yourself.

• You have time. It may not seem like it, but you really do. You have time to work out. You have time to read. You have time to volunteer. You have time to mentor. Junior Achievement is a great organization I’ve spent some time with. They need people who can go into schools and teach kids about money, about career clusters, about the job you have, or to job shadow. Boys and Girls Clubs or Community Centers need people to come in after school and hang out with kids. They need mentors, role models, and people who can listen. Organizations like the American Cancer Society or other local chapters of national organizations need people to make up volunteer teams and committees. This may be a place to take your professional skills or personal interests.
• You have dollars. Make it rain on some organization. I would encourage you to give back to your church (I already covered that one), but give back to your alma mater, give to organizations that need a champion. Give to local and national organizations. Don’t let money be your cop-out for doing, but there are seasons that we just need to write the check. And there are lots of places that just need you to write the check.
• Spend time with people. I’ve learned a valuable lesson over time about the power of presence and the power of the pen. Both have their place and need to co-exist. If someone comes to your heart or mind, call them (that’s probably why they came to your heart or mind). Yes, a text is good enough sometimes, but a phone call is really nice. Send an old fashioned note. The Dollar Tree sells 8-packs of cards. You have no excuse. Keep some simple stationery in your desk at work and at home. Heck even when you are sitting in a parking lot waiting, out to lunch on your own, or waiting at a kid’s ball practice someday you could at least write notes. If someone gives you something, thank them. If someone comes to mind and needs encouragement, send it. We all get plenty of pieces of mail each day that we do not want, but we open the handwritten envelope first. And, a final piece about spending time with people – spend time with people. Put the phone down and be present wherever you are. We were blessed with 2 ears and 1 mouth. Keep it in balance and just be there. Frankly, when life gets tough, and it will, just be present with the people you can be around. They don’t need you to say some magical words… you are not that smart. But, they will need to know they have someone. Whether its a recital, a funeral, a hospital visit, a pageant, a car show, a demonstration, a book launch, a public announcement for office, a sales pitch, a wedding shower, a milestone vacation, a birth, a podcast invitation, a new business endeavor, a baby dedication, a wig party, a going away party…. JUST SHOW UP!

Finally, always leave a place better than you found it.

• Don’t be the guy who leaves dishes in the office sink. They will talk about you. I laughed recently when I walked into the kitchen of an office I used to work in and they had a different version of a sign I always had hung. Theirs was much nicer, but mine usually said, “your mama doesn’t work here, clean up after yourself.” (oh, and no one tells you this, but no one likes to smell reheated fish or burnt popcorn in the office… just don’t do it!)
• Sign up to bring more than potato chips to the work potluck. There will be an opportunity to contribute… do it. Attempt to make something homemade even if you are a bachelor. You can bring the potato chips, but just don’t do it every time.
• Seriously though, what will be your legacy? It is more than what will people say about you when you’re gone. Let that alone, someone will have to plan your funeral. But, what will be your legacy? Will that same thing also be your reputation. And you’re reputation shows up to a place long before you do. Be known as the gal who listens, or the guy who invests in others.

In 2003, the musical Wicked was released. It was a phenomenon for many reasons. But one thing that many people remember in its long 15-year time span that keeps pulling us back is the relationship between Elphaba and Glinda – the song shares these words…and my prayer is that they can always be sung of you:

I’ve heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don’t know if I believe that’s true
But I know I’m who I am today
Because I knew you…
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?
Because I knew you

I have been changed for good

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You’ll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend…
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?
But because I knew you

As I listen back to all this, I realize, my motivation may be that I’m never asked to address a graduating class and when you own a corner of the world wide web, you get to choose the content. Always choose wisely. Share your space. Know yourself. And leave this world better than you found it…no matter the number of days you get to spin around the globe.