So, lets back up to yesterday and something I couldn’t say last night, but now that today has passed, I can say it. So, all day yesterday, I had a funny feeling about today. I wasn’t sure why. I told only two people about this. When asked about if I was ready, I told both of them that I was really having a funny feeling. I didn’t think I could call it discernment, thought it was more prophecy, but we decided to go with the word intuition. Whatever, when I have a “feeling”, it usually means something. So, I didn’t really tell people because I was a little worried. I wanted to call my dad and tell him last night, but he usually gets these feelings too and has the same results I do. Usually right. So, I didn’t want to tell him and have him all worried last night and then have to drive up here today. Then, this morning, it was back and I wanted to call and tell him to pray. But, yet again, he was on the road driving here and worrying about me was not really something that needed to be on the priority list of “thoughts while driving”. So, I didn’t say anything to him.

I talked to Lisa last night and we made plans to leave here at 7:00, so we could be at the hospital at 8:15 for my appointment. Well, this morning, I got up a little late and scurried around getting ready. I’m not into totally getting ready and putting make up on for chemo, but someone told me something super valuable yesterday (do not feel bad for saying this, it was something that I value and that I had been wondering and needed confirmed.). When I don’t wear eye makeup, I look sicker. So, no promises that it will be there everyday, but I did say early in this process, that there will be enough days that I don’t feel good enough to put on cute clothes or do my make up, but when I do, I need to. So, when I go to chemo, I like to put on something comfy cute and fix my hair (I still have it and that is huge) and maybe do at least a little powder. Not really sure why I am telling you all this except to say that I had a lot to do in a little time. I got everything together and ready by the door, so I wasn’t late for my ride :). Just after seven, Lisa wasn’t here yet (this story is proving a point, and it not about Lisa), I thought to myself “I wonder if something happened and her alarm didn’t go off…maybe I should call her”. Then I thought, “don’t be annoying, she might be running late”. So in just a few moments, she called with the “oh my gosh, our power went out last night, I just got out of the shower and I’ll be out the door in just a minute.” Notice anything…first feeling of the day confirmed.

She was so fast. I was super impressed. When I got in the car, we just laughed about the whole thing. We had a great ride. I brought her up to speed on things at the office and she filled me in on wedding plans that had been worked out this week. We laughed all the way (that would be a good movie title) and made it there on time. Again, she is so good.

I had my doctors’ appointment first before chemo. That’s why we had to be there earlier. I always get lab first. If I go to Dr. Mendelsohn’s office, then I do it there and if I just get chemo, I do it there. So, I signed in (no paperwork today!!!!) and then they called me to go back. So, I went back to get my labs. They weigh you first…I gained back the 3 pounds I had lost last time. Not sure if that’s good. Maybe it means that I have not really had a loss of appetite, because I have been eating this time. Or, maybe it means I ate things and didn’t care. Is that bad? Maybe it was because I was weighed on different scales and I weigh the same as I did the first time because this was the scale I was weighed on the first time. Not sure. No one seemed scared. She didn’t think I would weigh that much, so maybe I do have big bones! Yeah right. I’m a fool who aint afraid of a good meal!!!

So, after I weighed, she told me to pick a chair. So, I turned around and sat in the first chair I saw, the first chair in the room and the only chair I could get to without walking around the other people in the room. The only other patient in the room was getting blood drawn as well.

***If you are squeamish…be ware of the next couple paragraphs. I will include details that will probably bother you, but they make my story better, so they are necessary…I will try to make it funny!***

The other patient was a lady who was getting her blood drawn from her foot. Let me just go ahead and throw it out there that I am so glad I was not there when she first got there and realized that she had to do that in her foot. If the events that occurred next had not occurred, then the foot thing would have caused what happened to happen.

So I looked over and they stuck the IV in the vein that runs across the top of her foot. And, as is to be expected, she screamed when they put it in (she doesn’t have the emla cream I have to make the spot numb). So, yeah that was fun to hear. The reason I was able to see all this is because the nurse who was helping me was being very careful to gather all the things she needed. Plus it happened in a matter of moments, just felt like time slowing down.

So, she brought over all the goodies that she needs. Two big syringes that she pulls the blood in. Then 4 vials that they use to run labs on. the gauze pads to clean up with, the tape to hold the cotton ball that pushed pressure on the port when they take the IV out and….the IV thing that they push into the port. So, it was my turn. The other lady left (I’m really not sure she has figured this out. They stuck her in the top of her foot and she had lace up shoes and socks to put back on. I so wanted to give her my flip flops. I wish I had my extra pair with me.). So, it was just me in there. My nurse felt around and stuck the IV in me. To be able to pull blood, they have to check first that they have a blood return (which tells them that it is in the right spot).

Well, we were not getting one. She pulled slowly on the big syringe (I should add here that this syringe fits on the end of one of the parts of the tube and is not actually something that I get stuck with). If it doesn’t come, then they “flush” it with some saline. When she started pushing (that’s the word they use) the saline, I could feel it. At this point, Mrs. Eddie had come over to help and see if there was anything that she could do. I asked if it was ok if I felt it going in (this was the first time I had ever felt it and I was worried that something might be wrong. **Remember I have been worried for at least a day and a half that something was going to go wrong. I really thought something was wrong with my port. I finally have been able to sleep on my left side, but on Monday and Tuesday evening, it was really sore and I put ice on it. So, I was afraid that when I slept for four hours on that side in the car on the way back from Dallas that I had done something to it. So, as this all begins to happen, my insides are tightening up and panic is starting to set in without me being able to think about what is going on).

Mrs. Eddie told me that as long as it was not burning, then it was ok for me to feel it going through my port. They tried to get a blood return again and this time pushed the saline a little harder and quicker than they had the first time. Yeah, this is not right. I started saying…”It’s burning, it’s burning, it’s burning…stop, stop, stop”. So, they did. At that very moment, I started saying “I don’t feel good, I need a glass of ice water”. So the first nurse went to get me ice water and Mrs. Eddie stayed and pulled the wrong IV out and cleaned me up and put the new IV in. As soon as she put it in, I got really hot, so I took my jacket off. That helped a little. I told her I was not feeling well and put my elbow up on the right arm rest and rested my face on my hand.

The next thing I know, there were 8 nurses standing over me and one of them was tapping me on the arm saying, “hello, hello, hello”. I kinda shook awake and realized that I had passed out. I use the word passed out because faint usually involves a dramatic fall to the floor and since I was seated in a chair and resting on my arm, this dramatic moment didn’t happen. However, I’m not sure how long I was out, but I do remember that as soon as I realized I was waking up and that that then meant that I had been “out”, that I was actually dreaming. I don’t know what I was dreaming about, but I do remember something red and I think it was a dress. I might know what it was referring to and if this was not a thousand miles long, I might tell you that story.

So, I’m back…eight nurses are staring at me (you know those scenes you see on ER and Grey’s that are from the “patient perspective” when 8 nurses and doctors are standing over the patient staring at them and making faces…well, maybe more like on Scrubs, but yes, that was the moment I had today. Lisa, one of the nurses, had a cold rag (it was blue) that she was dabbing on my face to cool me down and I think there was someone else who was doing the same thing, it was all a blur, literally. Another looked at me and said “your lips are white” ( here comes the sass…at least it was in my head and I didn’t say it out loud…but I thought…ok, “so what do you want me to do….do I purse them, lick them, bend them over my teeth, laugh”…they don’t exactly prepare you in college to know what to do to make your lips not white.) The nurses were nice. I did fell like a zoo display, but not in a bad way. There was genuine concern in each of their eyes, which thankfully did not freak me out, but in second, I was laughing..which you know really means I was cackling! In the way that only I can. The more I came to, the more I realized how funny this was. Probably not to the ladies in the room.

Now, I will admit, this was a first for me. I have never passed out before. I don’t know that I have even seen someone pass out, so I don’t even know what to begin to think it looked like from the other side. I couldn’t have been out for long. But I did cause a stir.

While it was the threat and joke for the day, I thinking talking about foot IV’s are out for me. That was crazy. And, Mrs. Eddie is my new friend and will be my on request nurse when I go back. She fixed it and did my IV the first time I was there. The girls were great. Lisa stayed with me. She and my first nurse walked me to the room where Lisa B. was waiting and getting filled in on my “little episode”. When I got to the room, she said she could hear me laughing, so she knew I was fine. Really…it know it sounds scary and I was to all the other ladies in the room, but it was funny to me.

I think because it was earlier than normal, it added to it. I was a little panicked on the inside and when I thought something did go wrong, I started getting nervous about what it could be and that something was wrong. A big fear, for me, is that something went wrong with the port and it was going to have to be redone. So, when it did, I got worried…but something was not wrong with my port, the IV was just put in the wrong spot. So, I think that is what kicked in. So, yeah I passed out at lab today.

Next was the appointment with Dr. Mendelsohn. It went well. He is great. I know I heard that from so many people and it is not like some big occurrence happened today, but he is just great. He makes you feel at ease and educated about what is going plus the fact that the first phrase he said to me today was..” you don’t even look sick, you must have a lot of prayers going up for you”. That is not a phrase that he just says, but I truly believe that he is adding to. He knows the power of prayer and what it designed with the gift of medicine can do. Well actually, it can accomplish things on its own, because God is who He is, but I have begun to appreciate people who dedicate their life to learning and knowing more in the world of oncology and hematology.

He felt my lymph nodes and said that he couldn’t feel anything (I’m crossing my fingers that, that means we might hear the best news ever in couple weeks.

After all that drama, I went over to get in my chair for chemo. Lisa and I decided that we should warn them that I was kinda fainty today. They of course thought it was funny-ish as well. I’m not convinced that they thought it was funny like I did. But, they humored me. Chemo went great today. Quick and easy. I had a new nurse Karen (not new there, just new to me) and that was fun. I think they are staring to figure me out.

I was able to sit in my same chair, there is something to be said for the articles of familiarity that I can find. My same chair, the faces I see up there, the order of the medicine, pushing my cart across the room to go the potty, drinking my soda, Ray the volunteer, the white Styrofoam cup with the lid and the straw that is too long when it sticks out the top, taking my purse, brown bag and prayer quilt and the jokes that are always made when Jerry Springer comes on and I ask Tim to change the channel. There is a lady who sits in my area (Mrs. Freddie, she has super sweet smile and quiet whispery voice, unlike mine, that is become part of this familiarity) who wants to watch channel 38 that has all the court shows, on the TV when she gets there. After 3 hours of them, Jerry Springer comes on about 12:30. Every time, she has left and we, those of us still getting chemo, all look at each other and awkwardly send eye signals that we want the channel changed and everyone but me is too nice to ask for it to be changed…not me. It is good, because they have a rule for that not to be one of the shows to watch…A man mentioned this today and I hadn’t thought about it…are there really new shows coming on or are these all reruns and what year will they finally quit showing them. So today, they switched it from Jerry to an 80 year old preacher. Tim told me I got one or the other. Although it was not really what I was thinking we wanted to watch, I would rather have messages of hope from Proverbs than middle age men who are hard up for attention beating each other with chairs over the girl who they are not sure is carry the baby of their junior high aged boy and wants to tell him on National TV (did I get them all in there?).

Mom and dad came while I was in chemo. I went to the bathroom and they were there. Later, I got up to go to the restroom again and dad appeared while I was gone..weird…I quit going to the potty, this was not the day for magic tricks.

It was a fun day and I like that I can laugh with those people. We stopped in Bryant to eat lunch at Backyard Burger.

We made a trip through campus to see the stage and all the set up in front of Cone-Bottoms for graduation. They hung the purple flags today from the porch and were putting out the white ladder back chairs. It made my heart warm. I’m so excited for my babies, they were my first group to recruit. (I always said I wanted to work here long enough to see my first group graduate). Then we stopped by to see Dave and the ladies at Mary and Martha’s, I left mom’s mother’s day present the other day when I went by there. We stopped to get some of dad’s pants altered; I have the best lady who does alterations here. And, we made our ritual trip to Wal-mart. I’m still so bad at getting away from the list. After resting, we made supper. We had cheeseburger tacos, guacamole and homemade salsa. Then we made apple dumplings and while they cooked, dad and I watched 27 dresses. He loves when we go to the movie store and come home with chick movies. Hey, I let him watch 3 hours of boy shows ( he gives me a hard time when I come to their house because the TV is always left on a wedding, food, house or fashion channels…well that works two ways, he leaves my TV on “shoot ’em ups”, old man westerns, or the sci-fi channel…who watches those things?). (Tonight when I took the bandage off, my port area had already started to bruise.

I’m sure this is just going to get prettier. I’ll keep you updated

as we walk through the rainbow of colors to come!)

Ok, I wish I had word count on this thing to know all that you have endured. It has been a good day and I appreciate all the calls and texts. You guys rock. Now get to sleep! Oh, wait that is what I need to do!