I will go ahead and admit that this could be long and very well, honest. Let’s see how far I get into it.

On Thursday morning, I had my first follow up set of scans. Wednesday night was fun with Justin, Kirt and the English family. Mom and dad came in that night after church, so they could take me to my appointments. It was an early morning…like 5:40 and if you know anything about me, you know I don’t do mornings, but I did that day.

I had scans at 7:30. They do all the usual things. Get a big fat needle in your arm so they can do the contrast dye and just in case, they wanted to run a pregnancy test. I assured my little friend that there was really no need…I mean really! But, he insisted, so I did what I was supposed to do. Remember the contrast dye is the thing that makes you feel like you have peed in your pants, but this time they remembered to remind me and it did not go in as fast, so it wasn’t as scary as it was the first time. After, the neck and chest scans, I was free to go. Now, I know that cancer is something that hits people at all ages, but I always get this feeling like “why is that young girl in here” from all the people in the waiting room. I’m not sure if they are confused or feel sorry for me, but I always wonder what those looks they are giving me means. It is not really a mean look, or one of pity, but I do feel like they are confused and are expecting that I’m in there with one of my parents and not the other way around.

I was starving after those scans and knew we had some time to kill, so my suggestion was IHOP. There were two locations that I knew of in West Little Rock. One ghetto and one not as much. Well, I headed toward the not as much, but couldn’t find it. So, we made a big circle and headed for the ghetto one. Well, it was that and more. I guess since we knew we had a long time, we took forever to order. I ordered the Chocolate Chip pancakes…the reason we went there. My dad asked if those are good and the waitress said “Those are my favorite, especially at that special girl time of the month”. Now, I know that I can sometimes stretch a story, but those were the words that came out of her mouth and it took everything inside of me to not drop my jaw and say “Really, did you just say that”…but, she did. That type of thing pretty much dictated my day.

After breakfast, we went to Target. It’s the only “store” open at 9:00. After a hour of shopping, we headed back to the hospital for my appointment with Dr. Mendelsohn. We arrived and I went in for my lab. If you will remember, this is the place of my infamous passing out day and they knew exactly who I was when I walked in. Thank goodness the lady there that I like to have do my lab was the one waiting for someone to help. Thank you Lord I didn’t have to make that awkward. She and the other lady both remembered me and made a comment, but I did ok. I made it through. They got the IV put in my port and there were no problems.

We went back to our room and waited for Dr. Mendelsohn. He came in and it was a very brief visit. I’m not sure if what he had to say was so obvious or if I drew a blank on anything that I needed to ask him, but it sure didn’t last long at all.

He told me that he did have good news. The masses had shrunk more than 50%. That was way more than to be expected. He looked back at the report and they had actually shrunk 66% (the Type A girl in me was glad to have an exact number to measure things by). So that was really good. Man, I wanted them to be gone. What is this!!! I knew going into it, that they weren’t. Again, I just had the feeling. I even told my dad earlier in the week to prepare himself that there would be more sets of chemo that we originally thought. And, I told Kirt and Justin on Wednesday that I knew it wasn’t over. For whatever reason, I just knew. So, more than 50% was good. He felt my neck, under my arms and on my stomach and said everything felt good.

Then, he pulled out a new word on us. Well, it wasn’t a new word. I heard him say it back when he was giving “what could be part of this” options, but it didn’t really stick because it wasn’t said like it really could be an option. But, he does think that I will need 2 rounds of radiation. So, yeah. I know what chemo is like. I know what having my blood taken is like, but radiation. That’s new. It doesn’t sound like something that will be fun. It doesn’t even sound like something that is good for my body. I mean I hear all these things about all the radiation that TV’s, radios and computers put off. Everything says they put off things like microwaves that aren’t good for you. You even read and hear things about MP3 players, ipods, and cell phones and how they could mess up your head and other things. So, all that being said, how could “radiation” be good for you. Isn’t that what tanning beds put off that cause cancer. I’m so confused.

I will be honest. The word didn’t really sting the moment that he said it. It did though for my dad. I guess they didn’t know that it was a possibility, so it was hard to hear for the first time, especially since we were thinking that chemo was going to get it.

So, as soon as we were finished with Dr. Mendelsohn, we went over to chemo. Mom and dad were super tired and were going to go find a tree to park the car under to take a nap, so I just talked them into dropping me off. As I walked into the chemo room, one of the nurses asked me what was going on. I thought she could read the concern on my face. I had just planned to go find my chair and take a nap and not think about all the things that I had just been told. I do plenty of thinking, so that was something I could do later.

But, she was talking about something on my chest. Right before we got ready to leave Dr. Mendelsohn’s office, I noticed that the area right above my port started hurting. It wasn’t an itch hurt, but more of a sting hurt. And, it was right over my scar, so I thought some tape or something had irritated it. So, a couple nurses came over and looked at it. They said it could be a couple different things, but as I mentioned to them, I love the drama, so let’s figure out what it could be. We finally decided that I had had an allergic reaction to the Emla cream that I put on my port to make it numb. Normally, I put it on an hour before I am going to get blood taken, which typically means I put it on right before I leave Arkadelphia. But, this time, they did not take blood before the scan like I thought they might and so I left it on for three more hours before I got to the doctor’s office. Well, you are not supposed to leave it on longer than 3 hours and I had had it on almost 4 and half. So, yeah, it was an allergic reaction. No wonder it was hurting.

I sat in a new chair this week. And you know what, this girl who does not like change, may have found a new spot. When I went to it, I thought it would be good since I wanted to take a nap and someone was sitting in my usual spot. But, it actually worked out better. A new comfortable as I will think about it.

Anyway, I had a great nurse this time. Not that the others aren’t, because they are all little angels here on earth, but it was divine intervention that she was my nurse on this day. Thank you Lord for Melinda Ward on a Thursday afternoon. She took care of my “rash” and got it covered with Hydrocotrizone Cream” so it would make it go away. She was also great to go get a mirror so I could see what it looked like. That was a relief. I’m a visual girl and I like to know what is going on. While she was getting me all hooked up, I asked her if she knew what was involved in “radiation”. This was the moment I realized that divine intervention had happened. She knew for sure. At age 34 she was diagnosed with Nodular Sclerosing Hodgkins Lymphoma Stage 2 (sound familiar?). At that time, radiation was the way to treat it. She actually did not have any chemo. So, she was fully aware what was involved. She knelt down beside my chair and began to tell me.

I had to bite my cheek to keep from tearing up. There were a couple moments that I had to blink tears out of my eyes. A moment of reality. This really is going to be not fun. Now, I could describe to you all the things she told me that she had to deal with, but I have fallen to the conclusion that everyone reacts different to these therapies. I have not had any of the normal symptoms that people dealing with chemo have and so therefore, I am going to tell myself that radiation will be the same way. And, if it is not, then I will learn my side effects right then.

No, I’m not excited about that and yes it will suck. I can know that much. The side effects are not fun and I will most likely have funny marks on my face while I go through it. But, oh well. That’s part of this process. So, we will just deal with them. I will not read anything, just like I haven’t done to this point. I will wait for the meeting I will have on the 19th with the CARTI people and know then what to expect.

So, yea I’m scared. Yes, I sat in my chair that afternoon and had two very hard phone conversations talking through and telling two very close friends how scared I was. But, I know that there was a lady who worked through radiation 10 years ago telling me what she had gone through, so you know what that means? It is something that I can live through. Yea, the process is not fair, but as we learned early in life at my house, “LIFE AIN’T FAIR”. So, here is another reason why. There is never a good time for something like this to happen. So, we will just hope that this next step is part of a cure for me. And, we will hope that my body will continue to react well to the treatments and after this radiation, it will be gone and I will do one more set of follow-up treatments. That would be so great!

This weekend has been good. Mom and dad left about 2 hours ago and we had a good weekend. That woman is so great she planned all these meals ahead of time and I ate and didn’t get sick. Dad fixed a few things. I love having them here. I know I could never say enough or be grateful enough for the blessing of loving, Christian parents who love me. Thank you Lord.

While I’ve been typing this, the movie Castaway has been on in the background. Tom Hanks just made a comment and to me it is so fitting. He was talking about how the thought of his wife back home is what kept him going while he was stranded on that island. And, there was a day that he went out to hang himself and that morning, the waves brought in a port-a-potty which he ended up using as a “sail”. He said this to his friend at the end of the movie, summing up his time on the island…”I got up each day because I wanted to see what the tide would bring in”. I think I can relate. I want to get up tomorrow and the day after and the day after that so I can see what the tide will bring. For him, the tide finally brought his day and way to get off the island…I can see it coming.