Since my birthday is on the 21st of the month, I hold the 21st of any month as a valuable day every month. So, I’m super glad to share the 21st of this month with my dear friend Lacey. Lacey lived in the room across the hall from me my freshman year. I cannot tell you when we first met. I’m sure there was some awkward freshman girl encounter. But, she was there. Every time I opened the door I saw her face. Every time I needed to distract myself from doing homework, she was there. Every Friday night I needed something to do, we drove to LR. Her family took care of us in college. I had more homemade meals in college at her mom’s table than my own. This one, she means so much to me. We’ve had high, lows, loss, life. She is a beautiful spirit. She is still the one I can sit with until wee hours and have more topics we need to cover. She sees life through a real lens, she provides great wisdom and yet she can speak the loudest with her sweet simple grin. I’m so grateful for her place in my life and more in my heart.
My dear Lacey…
- What have you OVERCOME? Childbirth
- What was your turning point? The turning point for me, to get over
my fear of childbirth came at 6am Monday, March 19, 2012. I have said, since I
was 15 years old, that when I get pregnant “they are going to have to cut it
out of me, because I am not pushing it out”. So when I found out I was pregnant
with our first child, I was very excited, but in the back of my mind all I
could think about was what being pregnant really meant, giving birth! So I
tried not to think about it, and between baby showers and getting a room ready
for the baby, I almost forgot all about that part of the process. Then, at 39
weeks, my water broke at 3am. We rushed to the hospital, and those fears came
like a flood. It was really happening, I was really going to have to do this. I
had been told many times by my doctor that the only reason they would do a
C-section was in an emergency, and trust me, I asked many times. So, I knew
this was not an emergency and I was going to have to go through childbirth.
Everyone that was there that day was wonderful, and reassured me that I could
do it, and that they would be there to help me. It was a long day, and
eventually, around midnight, March 20, 2012 I had my boy. It was over. I’m not
sure if this is pregnancy amnesia or something else, but it wasn’t that bad. So,
when the time came to think about another addition to our family, I was excited
at the prospect of being pregnant again. For those that know me, I am not good
at keeping secrets. When I found out we were pregnant again, I couldn’t wait to
tell our parents and all my friends. All the while, I had this feeling in the
back of my mind that something was wrong. I didn’t show it, but I was thinking
it. Every morning, while in the shower, I would think about what we would say
if we found out we lost the baby. How would we react? What would other people say?
So, like before, I tried to put all those thoughts behind me. But I couldn’t.
One day something was wrong, and I went to the doctor. Two days later we found
out I miscarried. I was only 11 weeks along. But in those 11 weeks, we had
already contemplated names, room décor and had our son saying he was a big
brother. The miscarriage was a traumatic thing to experience. First off, it was
emotional, we lost a baby. Second, it was physically traumatic. I had some
complications that landed me in the hospital for a couple days. In those days,
I found out who we were surrounded by…great family, great friends, and great
doctors. But more importantly, we were surrounded by a great GOD who loves us
and protected us in every aspect of that experience. I actually believe, those
thoughts I had every morning in the shower, were preparing my heart for what
was happening. And come to find out, everyone else had the feeling that
something wasn’t right. We are overcoming this recent loss, and I’m not gonna
lie, its hard. I think about it every day. But we are not going to let it scare
us from continuing to grow our family. I know that in God’s time, it will
happen again, and it will be amazing. I am comforted in the fact that I
am actually looking forward to my worst fear…childbirth!
- 5 word life mantra
I don’t really have a 5 word life
mantra. I do, however, have to say to myself several times a day “Let it go”
(no, not from Frozen). Just “let it go”, forget about it. In the grand scheme
of things it doesn’t matter.
- Quote you live by
My dad always asks me, “Are you
happy?” Sometimes the answer is yes, and sometimes it is no. But once you start
thinking about what it really means to be happy and what is making you happy at
that point in time, the answer usually turns to yes. I think he is playing Jedi
mind tricks on me.