I’m struggling

My inbox and Facebook notifications have me overwhelmed. The little red bubble beside my Twitter icon has me reeling. The sticky note on my desk leaves me bumfuzzled and we are not even going to talk about the pile of things on the couch in my living room.

My mom has always given me a hard time about living in a fish bowl; growing to the size of my world. That usually refers to the amount of junk I seem to accumulate. But recently I’m beginning to thing it refers better to my calendar. 
I’ve confessed often that I don’t do “still” very well, but now that I’m home during the week I’m finding myself filling every night. There are so many things I want to do and so many people I want to connect with but I’m overwhelming myself. 
And we can’t even begin to talk about web and social media. Since it’s where I live all day I just want to shut it down when I get home. But bc I try to keep it business as much as I can during the day, I just feel behind. This past weekend at the bloggers conf I was reminded how far behind I am. And you know what?  I think it’s ok. 
I’ve spent much of this week telling myself that. There is only so much I can do.

I came away from #AWBU with so many ideas.  But, my ideas became a to do list that right now feels insurmountable.  For whatever reason, I cant seem to get over the “back to school hurdle”.  I know I don’t have kids, but it seems the world revolves around the academic calendar.  Church classes start up, volunteer cycles begin, community programs establish themselves and we are left remembering one more reason why we love the lazy days of summer.

So, I guess maybe this is my confessional.  My out loud spoken word so I don’t feel like I’m letting you down with the fact that I just left a conference that should have pumped me up to crank out words like nobody’s business.  But, instead I’m left with one more item on my list.  One more post to hit “publish”.  One more measure of insecurity and inadequacy on my self-appointed measuring tool in my head.

Whatever it is, I’m confessing.  Fall is my favorite time of year.  I want to be present as much as possible.  I want to create some memories with the new friends I’m developing and frankly…its easier right now to keep up with my instagram (@bigpittstop) account!

So, here’s to a few written words.  Some confessed guilt.  And, finally something I can mark off my to-do list!

(true confession: I actually started this post on my phone waiting for a meeting.  I closed it and added to it while I was sitting, bored, in a different meeting.  And now, a week later, I’ve come back to it because its bothering me that’s its been left open ended.  Maybe I should really put a few therapy sessions on my Christmas list!)

7 Replies to “I’m struggling”

  1. love you friend. it is MORE thank ok to take a break from the screen and the other life that happens on it.
    see where people show up 🙂

    i will continue to stalk you on instagram and hit me up when that calendar dies down. would love to see you in the real world.

  2. I am with you my friend. I feel you. I am about to start The Best Yes for the very reason. We need margin. We cannot do everything even though we'd like to!! You are the best. You have got this. xoxxo

    luv your face xoxoxo

  3. Since I became friends with at least 15 more bloggers and "followed" them so that I see all their notifications, there have been a lot of notifications that are never read. And that's okay. We can't listen to more than one or two conversations at a time, and we can't pay attention to more than one social media feed.

    Love you girl – connected or not!! We need to get together (add that to your list! ;))

  4. Absolutely! We only have so many hours in a day, and I'm learning I need to devote more of them to sleep! Don't feel guilty! I have over 1000 unread emails in my inbox, and all I do is scan every day to make sure I'm not missing anything important – and leave the rest for tomorrow (when I can hopefully delete and unsubscribe from some things). *hugs*

  5. you girls are kind…glad to know I'm not alone! Laurie and Terra…adding that to my list for sure! Stalk away. I think I just needed to give myself permission to be ok with not posting or doing as much as I want to

  6. Refine what you are doing – you DO not need to do everything. In fact, maybe being present is exactly the thing you need to do. Put down the phone and be at the boring meeting. It won't kill you and it might just make you a more balanced, less stressed out person. – Jacqueline

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *